Admittedly there are few things in this vast country that will truly impress - especially of you've travelled a bit. I am now at 127 countries visited - so the dear old USA is up against some stiff competition.But like the girl with the curl, when she's good she's very very good - and when she's bad she's horrid.
Yosemite is the best of the best - in a surprisingly sterile sort of way. The scenery is just unimaginable - it's fantasy stuff and so beautiful that it does take your breath away. A bit like Audrey Hepburn (best Belgian ever) and Archie Leach's (Cary Grant to you) love child- beauty with style.
Even though I'd heard that it would be dangerous - and I'd packed a kitchen knife to protect us from Hill Billies (have seen Deliverance)- we 
were quite safe - unlike in Oakland...
were quite safe - unlike in Oakland...At Yosemite the wildlife is surprisingly absent - apart from the Chinese girl in pink flip flops - we saw a bird, a squirrel and a deer. No bears - which was OK - there were signs that "speed kills bears" which is probably true - they should stick to milder narcotics if you ask me.
In any event, the bears are scary BIG - and it's never been discovered if they are a separate species or not. You see, separate species cannot produce offspring - which is why all dogs are the same species - and can interbreed - even though a pekenese mounting a ridgeback is more amusing than scientifically interesting- it is true that they can if they want to.
The mystery of whether bears are a seperate species can be solved easily - Bears are so BIG that nothing in it's right mind - not even a drunken sailor on a Saturday night would fuck with a bear - especially one on speed. Bears are rare because even boy bears and girl bears are scared of each other.
We stayed at the Ahwanhee - which is the only hotel in the valley - and pretty impressive it was too - as was the bill. The food is average - the waiters surly - but it's easy to park and in the most beautiful spot on the planet - nearly. The charges are quite frankly mad - more mammals on speed work in the marketing department at the Ahwanhee than roam the countryside. THE queen stayed here with Phil in 1983 - I put THE in capitals because A queen could mean any number of people from the Castro - and SHE is a wonder and the only real one- the Dutch and Danes know that theirs aren't 'real' and will not be offended. The French, of course, killed all theirs - and the Americans all think they are God (or His Gift) or invent their own royalty, so they'll be fine too. I met the queen once - she smelled of roses and Phil smelled off olives and Charles wouldn't let me sniff him - obviously I'm not his type...
Where was I....Yosemite.
We went for a 'Hike' - this isn't really like hiking in the UK - it's more of a stroll with Starbucks - Hiking in the UK means struggling into a gale force headwind, surrounded by low cloud - all to a mediocre pub that serves fizzy beer and Chicken Kiev's.
Hiking here meant a gentle wander under perfect blue skies, in comfortable temperatures to picturesque mirror lake (Very imaginative name...see pic)- and back to the impeccably rustic if overpriced hotel.
Along the way you can look at the wildlife - marvel at the serious Hikers complete with all the kit that you can buy at "Outdoor World" and see the Chinese girl in the pink flip flops. You can also see fat people on bikes - though none had "I L*ve Cock" painted on crossbar like the girl on BART - you get a different class of weirdo at Yosemite - more upmarket and outdoorsy. They really loved the real log fires at the Ahwanhee - I don't think that they have ever seen a fire that isn't remote controlled and powered by methane.
We headed back via Richmond where a 15 year old girl had been gang raped for 2 hours at her school - now you see what I mean - when she's bad she's horrid.
So a great day - no bears, on speed or otherwise - but the scenery showed up - and to be honest that was more than enough.
Richard
No comments:
Post a Comment